The Girl's A Straight Up Hustler

On

I haven’t gotten really turned on in… wow I don’t even know how long.  That first kiss this summer, that was something.  Those butterflies were well earned though, with weeks of office flirting keeping hopes high so when they were realized they were all the more brilliant.  

I love getting my hopes up.  Whichever one you end up with the, crash or the high, throws you for a loop.  Emotional drugs.  But the high has been ever more elusive lately and I’m feeling the torments of being in the wasteland.  

I’ve been having such boring sex its really making me sad.  Where did all the passion go?  I think it’s just that I haven’t had any really good crushes in a while.  I’ve actively been seeking out the kinky and the wild and in this process I’ve realized how straight and in need of romance I really am.

Last weekend a girl went down on me in a bathroom.  I couldn’t have been more disinterested but I went along with it because I felt like hey, this could be what I am missing in my life - more random sex.  That was obviously the dude side of my brain taking over.  Walking out of that bathroom and rejoining the party with the swagger of a pimp and the disinterest of a hipster, I jumped gender roles and I can’t say I didn’t like it.  But while I might be tempted to hold my apathy up high like a medal, it really only depressed me that I was such an empty hallow machine.

I have the sex I want the love.  Too bad this is college and everyone just wants the former.